Being a Small Part of Adoption

Every social work job I’ve done has had a profound effect on me personally, and I don’t see how it couldn’t for every other social worker.  I’ve seen people of all walks of life and I really learn the meaning of “love one another” that Christ teaches us first hand.  You have to love the people you are trying to “help them help themselves” and better their lives. When I don’t and I’m so overwhelmingly frustrated with them for whatever reason, I know I’m not really doing the work I need to.  I wouldn’t have met most of these people in any other way, and I’m grateful for each one of them and the things that I’ve learned.

I’ve been working as an adoption counselor for birth mothers for just the past 15 months and am finishing up before my second child arrives – due July 9th.  Never being part of the adoption process before, I truly am sooooooooo grateful for the privilege I’ve had to be a part of the lives of the people I’ve worked with and their adoption stories. The birth mothers, my colleagues, the sweet babies, and adoptive parents, as well as even medical professionals have all been an inspiration to me in one way or another.  I know anyone who has ever asked me about my job knows I could talk on and on about it.  However, I will try to keep this minimal.

In 15 months I’ve had the great privilege of being part of the adoption of 4 beautiful babies brought into this world by some of the most selfless women I know. The parents that have made long adoption plans and then changed their mind I can honestly say have done it for purely selfish reasons.  It’s never been about their child – their reasons for changing their minds have been about themselves.  I’m not judging them for the decision they made because I don’t know if being in any of their shoes I would be able to choose adoption.  However, I know when a birth mother makes that most selfless sacrifice of herself and chooses adoption it is some of the greatest love I’ve ever witnessed.  I pray for them to be comforted in their loss.  Just because they choose adoption doesn’t mean they don’t suffer.  They are the ones that don’t have their precious child to hold when they go home and I know they have doubts and questions if they made the right decision afterwards.  Who wouldn’t?  They are going on faith and hope that they made the best decision for their child they could by giving their precious child a loving family who can provide that very important aspect to a child as they grow – stability. 

I don’t think stability is emphasized enough for children.  Not just when they are very young, but even as they grow up to adulthood.  No birth mother I’ve met has true stability in their lives.  People don’t consider adoption as an option unless their lives are chaotic, even if that’s not what they would say about it.  Children are very often raised without stability in their lives and they survive.  Yet I want my children to not just survive, but flourish and given every opportunity to grow and learn.  Adoption is so much about love.  Anyone that has asked me about my job outside my family and friends has immediately opened up and shared some personal story they have with adoption.  It’s amazing the blessing in people’s lives.  So it’s difficult for me to understand the bad feelings and total misunderstanding of adoption that so many people have.  I guess you can’t ever understand the miracle of adoption for a child until years down the road to see how their life turned out, whether adopted or not. 

Even if you see the “end result”, you really don’t know exactly how the alternative would have turned out anyway.  It’s really all about faith. Believing in something that you can’t see down the road.  I echo the same thing I read from an adoptive parent I met, “God bless the birth mothers of this world.”  You will probably never know who they are when you see them at the grocery store or gas station.  They are girls and women (boys and men too) of all walks of life.  You will never know their grief and loss over missing their child.  Please don’t judge them negatively for their decision. They are blessing millions of peoples lives all over the world (both their childs and adoptive parents) and no greater act of love except our Savior’s do I know.


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2 comments to Being a Small Part of Adoption

  • Thank you for sharing this! We have struggled with not being able to have children for years. It is very easy for us to focus only on our loss rather than to recognize the loss that birth mothers are experiencing. It is a selfless act and I am not sure I could honestly do it, even if my circumstances said it would be better for the child. I would probably be too selfish and would keep the child for the benefit he/she brought into my life.

    What a great perspective!!!

  • Wanting to share

    I am a birth mother and I really appreciate the insight you have brought to this. I will always judge myself harshly for giving up my child for adoption and I know that others do too, so it was really nice to find a bit of respite in this article and know that possibly, the decision I made was in some small way the right one. thank you so much

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