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Archive for the ‘Parent Humor’ Category
By author unknown, on February 8th, 2011
TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED THE 1930s, ’40s, ’50s, ’60s and ’70s!!
First, we survived being born to mothers who may have smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant.
They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn’t get tested for diabetes.
Then, after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, locks on doors or cabinets, and, when we rode our bikes, we had baseball caps, not helmets, on our heads.
As infants and children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, no booster seats, no seat belts, no air bags, bald tires and sometimes no brakes.. « Continue reading »
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By Admin, on May 20th, 2010
A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.
His father said he’d make a deal with his son: ‘You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut. Then we’ll talk about the car.’
The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he’d settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.
After about six weeks his father said, ‘Son, you’ve brought your grades up and I’ve observed that you have
been studying your Bible, but I’m disappointed you haven’t had your hair cut.
The boy said, ‘You know, Dad, I’ve been thinking about that, and I’ve noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had longhair, Moses had long hair…and there’s even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair.’
To this his father replied, ‘Did you also notice they walked everywhere they went?’
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By ProudGrandMom, on June 30th, 2009
Our grandson, age seven, had recently attended a birthday party at a local pizzaria that attracted kids with their video games.
I was caring for my grandson when he asked if he could go back to the pizzaria, which just happened to be across the street.
I told him in order to do that, he would need supervision.
His response was, “But Grandma, our school nurse told me I have 20-20 vision!”
To learn more about ProudGrandMom, visit www.birdmommy.com
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By author unknown, on June 15th, 2009
Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray my sanity to keep.
For if some peace I do not find,
I’m pretty sure I’ll lose my mind.
I pray I find a little quiet,
Far from the daily family riot.
May I lie back and not have to think
About what they’re stuffing down the sink,
Or who they’re with, or where they’re at
And what they’re doing to the cat.
I pray for time all to myself
(did something just fall off a shelf?)
To cuddle in my nice, soft bed
(Oh no, another goldfish–dead!)
Some silent moments for goodness sake
(Did I just hear a window break?)
And that I need not cook or clean
(well heck, I’ve got the right to dream)
Yes now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray my wits about me keep,
But as I look around I know,
I must have lost them long ago!
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By Andrea Mason, on June 3rd, 2009
Beau was sitting next to John in church and turned to him and asked “dad, who laid Mary?” Taken back John replied with “what are you talkin about?!!” Beau responded with “well then who laid Adam?” at which point we discovered he sees humans as laying eggs just like chickens. …could this be an example as to why he is repeating Kindergarden? LOL!!!!!
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By Andrea Mason, on June 3rd, 2009
So my 9 year old daughter has a super high reading level. Her school tested her and produced a list of books that would be appropriate for her level over the summer. Among the list of books was Wuthering Heights, Jane Eyre, and Cry, the Beloved Country. I naturally thought ‘no way’. I took our book of complete works of Bronte and gave it to her and said “start with Wuthering Heights and let me know what your thoughts are”. She did and told me that the book was like a dictionary and she had a hard time following the sentence structure. I decided to read it aloud to her to see if it would help her understanding.
Hours later that day Bella turned to John, my husband, and asked “Dad, how big does a bitch get”? Johns face was priceless. I just cracked up laughing because the word is used correctly in Wuthering Heights and so Bella thought she would try to use it correctly as well. We told her that bitches come in all sizes and it’s the big ones to beware of.
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By Heidi Naylor, on May 27th, 2009
I believe it is important my kids talk about their body parts with the proper vernacular. So if you are offended by the word Penis don’t keep reading! I don’t however encourage them to speak about their body parts like they are a seperate part of their body that can think for its self. « Continue reading »
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By author unknown, on May 21st, 2009
My wife and I teach a children’s primary class at church. Needless to say, we have heard some pretty funny comments over the years… We were teaching a group of 7 year olds and one of the little boys all of a sudden raised his hand and said, “Disneyland is way better than Jesus”. I gave the lame adult response and said, “Chris, Disneyland is not way better than Jesus”. He thought about that for a moment and then said, “But Disneyland has way more rides”! Got to love the logic!
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By Jeff, on May 4th, 2009
I work from home and consequently get to spend a lot of time with my daughter. I am not sure if I can take total credit for her Tomboyishness but I hope that this at least suggests that I have a good relationship with her. « Continue reading »
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By Jeff, on April 27th, 2009
My wife and I just celebrated our 16th wedding anniversary. When we awoke that morning, our 8-year-old daughter was already awake and excitedly waiting for us. « Continue reading »
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