How High Did She Go?

Now that I think about it 30 years later, it was funny, but it wasn’t at the time. My first son had a hard time accepting the fact that he had to share his home with his little sister. When they were both very young my daughter came running into house screaming and crying. I asked her what was wrong, but she couldn’t speak. I interrogated her brother. He said that he took a board and put it across a log and told his sister to stand on one end. He then climbed on top of the dog house and jumped onto the other end of the board and she went flying. I was furious. I yelled at him and asked why he would do such a thing. He said, “But, you wouldn’t believe how high she went!”

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Pinon Nuts

I lived in Utah, a long time ago, in the way outback, working on a construction site. There were a lot of native Navajo Native Americans working as welders. As you were talking to them, they would constantly be cracking and crunching on pinion nuts. Kind of like pistachios, but you had to crack them open with your teeth. Being the curious soul that I am, I asked were they got these nuts. I was told that their wives harvested them. I visited a neighbor/Navajo, while he was there, and asked his wife for directions. She told me how to get there and it sounded real simple. I’m simple, it should work.

I didn’t have a four-wheel drive and set out on roads for which there are no maps. I drove through massive canyons, just following the tire tracks. I must have missed a turn. At one point the road followed an old chopped up river bed and ran into a series of small ledges that got bigger the farther I got. One particular ledge made me aware that I would not get back up the same way I came. I met up with a small river I would have to cross. The tire tracks I’d been following could be seen on the muddy hill on the other side. I would have to get a running start, cross the river, shoot up the hill and make a sharp left turn.

A herd of cows were blocking the way. They weren’t disturbed by the sound of my horn. I got out and chased them away to make a hole, but by the time I started again, they had closed the gap. After a couple times of getting out and moving the cows only to have them play the same dirty trick again, I just drove like a maniac straight at them, and they parted like the Red Sea at the last minute. Scared? You bet. Lost? Of course. Several hours later I found the main highway, got out and kissed it, and headed home.

As I was driving back, I remembered that they sold pinion nuts at the general store. Not wanting to come home and lose face, I stopped and paid about five dollars for a handful of pinions. When I got home I showed them to my wife to show her that if there are pinion nuts that need finding, I’m your man. I also told her what I’d gone through to find them. She figured out where I got the pinions after a trip to the general store and after I broke under questioning.

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WE ARE AWESOME !!! A Tribute To Those Born Before the 80’s.

TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED THE 1930s, ’40s, ’50s, ’60s and ’70s!!

First, we survived being born to mothers who may have smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn’t get tested for diabetes.

Then, after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, locks on doors or cabinets, and, when we rode our bikes, we had baseball caps, not helmets, on our heads.

As infants and children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, no booster seats, no seat belts, no air bags, bald tires and sometimes no brakes.. « Continue reading »

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Wuthering Heights

So my 9 year old daughter has a super high reading level.  Her school tested her and produced a list of books that would be appropriate for her level over the summer.  Among the list of books was Wuthering Heights, Jane Eyre, and Cry, the Beloved Country.  I naturally thought ‘no way’.  I took our book of complete works of Bronte and gave it to her and said “start with Wuthering Heights and let me know what your thoughts are”.  She did and told me that the book was like a dictionary and she had a hard time following the sentence structure.  I decided to read it aloud to her to see if it would help her understanding.

Hours later that day Bella turned to John, my husband, and asked “Dad, how big does a bitch get”?  Johns face was priceless.  I just cracked up laughing because the word is used correctly in Wuthering Heights and so Bella thought she would try to use it correctly as well.  We told her that bitches come in all sizes and it’s the big ones to beware of.

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Potty Talk

I believe it is important my kids talk about their body parts with the proper vernacular. So if you are offended by the word Penis don’t keep reading! I don’t however encourage them to speak about their body parts like they are a seperate part of their body that can think for its self. « Continue reading »

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When I Grow Up

The other day at dinner, we got talking about what we want to be when we grow up. Of course, I’ll never grow up, but that’s another story. « Continue reading »

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Conversations With A Four Year Old..

My four year old son is always making us laugh. Here is a conversation we had in February. He just finished a bad coughing spell and this is what he told me.

Marshall: “Mom, I need a new froat. Cuz if I don’t get one then I will just go: (open and close mouth without making noise) er I will frow up and that’s not fun is it Mom?” « Continue reading »

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My Daughter is a Riot!

Just a quick funny story that happened today.  I was wrestling around with my daughter this afternoon.  After a few minutes, we were just laying on the floor next to each other taking a break from the ultimate fighting/tickling tournament in which we were engaged when I asked her if she realized I had created a website on which I was telling stories about her.  « Continue reading »

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